A Queer Question
by ObscureAnimeWriter
Summary: OneShot. “Ishida kun, are you gay?” Come on, you know you want to know...Mild IshiHime.


**Title: **A Queer Question  
**Disclaimer: **It would be funny if this were to happen, but, alas...  
**Rating: **PG K+ – For implications of a homosexual nature, a bit of blood, and the potential to wet your pants.  
**Spoilers: **Nope.

**Summary:** "Ishida-kun, are you gay?" (Come on, you know you want to know) Mild IshiHime

One-shot. Pre-Soul Society. Post-Ishida intro.

* * *

"...so if you just cross your x's when you go back down the line, the design will come together much more efficiently."

Orihime gazed at her cross-stitch pattern with a new glow of awe. "Really?" she turned her soft doe eyes on her instructor, who suddenly lost control of his tongue under her direct attention.

"Y-yes, Orihime-san," he coughed into his closed fist, clearing away the embarrassed croak.

"Thank you, Takahashi-kun."

"You're quite welcome, Orihime-san," the young male officer replied, flushed with the exertion of trying not to embarrass himself before a goddess. "If you need anymore help, Orihime-san, any at all..." his words fell away meaningfully.

Orihime flashed an appreciative smile. "Thank you, Takahashi-kun."

"Aa...Orihime-san, you can call me Jiro."

"Okay, Takahashi-kun."

Okay...um...well, she knew his first name, she knew that he was useful for something, she knew he could handle responsibility: Time to move in for the kill.

"Ah...Orihime-san...," Jiro leaned in on her seated figure, towering over her with a casual hand balanced on the back of her chair. "I was w-wondering...do you have a boyfriend?"

Glancing back up from her knotted string, Orihime blinked at him. "Yes. Three of them."

"Th-three?"

"Mm-hmm. Kurosaki-kun, Sado-kun and Ishida-kun...though I don't think Ishida-kun knows yet."

Jiro's hand slipped from the back of her seat, causing his chin to collide with her desk. "Ishida-kun is your boyfriend and he doesn't even _know_...?"

"Nope," Orihime beamed. "But he's just so nice I think of him as a boy-friend anyway."

Jiro glanced behind them at the back of the classroom over his shoulder where Ishida sat, alone, hemming a pastel-pink handbag. He never once looked up; not so much as a single, solitary glance over those severe frames he always wore. Not even in the entire time Jiro had been secretary of the handicrafts club. (Well, except for that time Orihime had nicked one of his cookies; but that had been more because she had stolen the one he had been currently eating.)

"Nice? Ishida?" the concepts didn't match up.

Orihime nodded fervently, "He shared his cookies with me once. And Ishida-kun always fixes my plushies for me! I always end up sewing their arms to their faces, somehow..."

Ishida was dating Orihime...dating Orihime...Ishida and Orihime...

Oh, has the universe gone _MAD_!

"Seriously? Ishida Uryuu?" the hapless boy stuttered in heartbreaking disbelief. Never mind the other two (surely, a girl as beautiful as Inoue Orihime would have_ many_ beaux), but Ishida Uryuu, super nerd? "I thought he was gay!"

A violent sneeze could be heard from the back of the room.

Orihime lifted an eyebrow, shifting her expression out of proportion. "What do you mean, Takahashi-kun? Ishida-kun_ can't _be gay."

"Why not?"

Orihime heaved a great sigh, shaking her head in disappointment. "Ishida-kun never smiles."

...sweat-drop.

"I wonder why so many people think Ishida-kun is gay," she continued, vocalizing her thoughts to her dumbfounded audience. "Is it because he uses so much pink in his handicraft projects? I guess pink is kind of a gay color..."

Jiro didn't want to encourage her misguided way of thought, but he had to admit what she said was true: pink _was_ a gay color.

"Aa...maybe, Orihime-san."

The clock tower on campus began to chime, singing to the tune of four o'clock.

Jiro looked to the wall clock for confirmation; indeed, it was four o'clock, right on the dot. "I guess that means club is over," he announced, incredibly pleased to find an escape from this awkward conversation.

The befuddled beauty glanced up at the clock as well, which hovered directly over the chalkboard. "Yeah, I guess so...," she agreed, fondling the taped edge of her project. She looked over her shoulder at Ishida, who was so absorbed in his work that he paid no attention to the time.

"Would you like me to walk you home, Orihime-san?" Jiro interrupted her thoughts. She returned her temporary focus to him and he started to squirm. "Unless, of course, Ishida-kun will be taking you..."

"No thank you, Takahashi-kun. I have to wait for Tatsuki-chan's club to finish before I can leave."

"Oh...I see," Jiro twitched, pondering his next course of action; would it be unforgivable to leave her alone, even if she were soon to meet up with her friend? "W-would you like me to wait with you until Arisawa-san's club is over?"

Orihime waved away his obligation with a flick of her dainty wrist. "You don't have to, Takahashi-kun. I have to wait an entire half-hour."

"Really, it wouldn't be a problem, Orihime-san."

"You don't need to worry about it," Orihime flexed a limp bicep. "I'm a big girl now. I've even been practicing my mecha assault techniques recently!"

"Are you sure?" the third-year officer was still unnerved by the relief of his chivalry (and more so by Orihime's false confidence in her imaginary abilities).

"Positive!" she chirped.

"I really think I should st – "

"If Inoue-san wished for you to stay," a frigid voice interrupted, "she would have told you so."

Jiro – generally high-strung as he was – jumped at the unanticipated interjection. He spun in midair, searching for the source of disruption, and was immediately drawn to the only other person in the room besides himself and his ravishing classmate: Ishida Uryuu, embroidery-extraordinaire.

Ishida continued, glaring over the top of his rectangular spectacles. "From what I understand of your absurd argument, Inoue-san neither requires nor craves your company so – in respect for Inoue-san's desires and a conducive working environment – please bid your farewells and leave."

"I...you...Orihime-san...,"damn, what could he say to that? After a few long moments of scrambling for a retort, Jiro gave up without a fight. He sighed as if this burden were heavy to bear, "I...I guess I'll see you later, Orihime-san."

"Aa...have a good evening, Takahashi-kun."

Jiro collected his belongings from his desk and, waving sheepishly to Orihime, finally departed from the classroom.

_Stupid jealous bastard_.

— — —

Orihime wanted to breathe a sigh of relief, but feared that it might be rude in front of Ishida-kun. _And everyone thinks **my** questions are confusing_, she thought with a weary slump of her shoulders. _After all, how can Ishida-kun be gay? Happy people always smile!_

Really, some people just didn't comprehend logic.

"Thank you, Ishida-kun," she smiled, bowing to her reluctant savior. "If you hadn't – "

"It was nothing," Ishida grunted, his own manners seemingly ungrateful to Orihime's courtesy. "You shouldn't thank me for something you could have done yourself."

Orihime blushed with shame, still hunched over in her bow. "Ano...I guess you're right."

She straightened her spine slowly, unwilling to directly face Ishida in this awkward moment. However, Ishida had immersed himself in his needlework again, alleviating her obligation to continue the uncomfortable dialogue. Still, the immediate lull in conversation unnerved the social princess to the point that she felt _something _else had to be said, for good or ill.

"Ishida-kun...?"

The budding tailor didn't look up from his stitches, seemingly deaf to the person who currently occupied his personal space.

Not that this was anything out of the ordinary; if Ishida ever deemed the club worthy of his attendance – which was rare in itself as he preferred the isolation of his own apartment to the social atmosphere of the school-sanctioned club – he never made any sort of effort to speak or look at anyone. Ever. He had spoken a few words to Orihime when she proved too much of a distraction to ignore, but otherwise kept entirely to himself. Once Jiro (the second male member of the group, who had joined in hopes of getting close to Orihime; it was simply lucky for the boy that he actually found a knack for handicrafts in his pursuits) had joined, Ishida had made even more of an effort to stay away, only making an appearance whenever he required use of the schools sewing machines (as he couldn't afford one of his own) and materials (which also tended to be rather expensive).

"Ah...Ishida-kun...?"

Still no response; either Ishida was purposefully ignoring his well-rounded classmate or he was far too involved in his project to take notice of her. Admittedly, Orihime couldn't decide which one it was.

What had Tatsuki told her about "getting people to talk," again? It was the second suggestion after "beat it out of them"...

Oh, right. Be direct.

"Ishida-kun, are you gay?"

The first indication that he had, indeed, heard her this time was the sudden spurt of blood ejaculated from his index finger. The second was more verbal:

"W-_what_?" Ishida stared at his accuser blatantly as a large pool of blood spread across his once lovingly-sewn project. "Am I _what_?"

"Ishida-kun! You're bleeding!" Orihime fell down to her knees beside him and reached out to grab his wounded appendage, but Ishida snatched her helping hand out of midair and held it in his inflexible grip; he didn't hold her to the point of pain, but there was little chance of escape from his firm grasp. The blood seeping from his wound transferred onto her own skin, dying the pure hue of her complexion a ghastly shade.

Orihime stared at their bonded hands – fretting over Ishida's injury and neglecting the meaning behind his gesture – and cringed as the viscous liquid began to drip down her wrist; losing so much blood so fast could _not _have been healthy.

"Inoue-san," Orihime flicked her eyes back to Ishida's face, studying him through her eyelashes. His expression was more open than she (or probably anyone he knew at present) had ever witnessed before, outright displaying his displeasure in the turn of conversation. "Why do you ask that question?"

Though Ishida Uryuu always had the appearance of a frostbitten bag of chicken, he tended to reserve his greatest displeasure for his peers of the male persuasion. Orihime suddenly found herself quite frightened by his severity.

"Um...well, a lot of people think you're gay...but I don't know why," she licked her lips and willed herself to continue. "I mean...you don't _seem_ very gay. Not to me."

Ishida narrowed his eyes, as if suspicious that her answer did not belay the entire truth, and insisted rather than encouraged her to continue.

"It's just that...um...you don't ever smile."

If Ishida had been startled before, it was nothing in comparison to his feelings toward her answer. "Smile?"

"Well, if you were really gay, wouldn't you smile all the time? Gay people are always smiling." she elaborated. "I mean...that's _why_ people smile. Because they're gay."

The gears within Ishida's mind began to turn, grinding against one another to cause a burning friction, as the bits and pieces began to mold themselves together into a coherent hypothesis...

The young sewing prodigy knew that the look on his face must have been absolutely priceless. "Wait...do you mean _gay_ gay? Meaning happy?"

Orihime blinked once.

Twice.

Three times.

"Um...yes. What did you think I meant, Ishida-kun?"

_Pfft!_

— — —

"Geeze, what the hell's wrong with Ishida?" Ichigo shivered, inching closer to the window and well away from the maniacal, giggling Quincy.

Ishida sat in the back of the room, hunched over in his desk, snickering into a bandaged hand and muttering to himself. "He he..._smiling_...ahahaha..."

Orihime, grinning from barette to barette, announced, "Nothing. Ishida-kun is just really gay today."

"_Pfft_! Gay..."

— Fin —

**Authors Notes:** ...no, I don't have any idea where that came from.

Btw, I got the feeling that Ishida was a bit OOC with Orihime, but...eh. I'm not so worried over a one-shot. I hope I didn't make him sound violent or anything, cause I was going for "serious" or "severe," at worst, but...well, review and tell me how I did. I would appreciate any insights into Ishida's character you can give so that I might do better the next time around. 'Preciate it.

Oh yeah, if you go lookin' for Jiro in the anime or manga, you won't find him. I made him up. You can go ahead and steal him from me, I don't care.

_**.:ObscureAnimeWriter:.**_

– _Every nerd has his day. With Inoue Orihime, Ishida Uryuu will have an entire afterlife._


End file.
